GOSSIP

“You are up before this court for the hideous crime ofmaking love to your wife after she had died. Do you haveanything to say in your defence?”“Yes, your honour. I didn’t know she was dead, she’d beenlike that for years.”

Three country lads were out in the big city when they wereattacked by a mugger.“Give me all your valuables,” he hissed, “or I’ll inject you with AIDS.”Immediately, two of the lads handed over their wallets andthen ran away. The third lad, however, refused so themugger injected him. Later, when the three lads met up, thetwo…

The woman was up in court for a second time, filing fordivorce. Three years earlier she had divorced her firsthusband because she claimed his “tackle” was too big. Thistime she wanted a divorce because her husband was “toosmall.”The judge granted her divorce but just before she left thecourt he gave her some words of warning.“Madam,…

Two women are watching a film in the cinema when oneturns to the other in surprise.“You’re not going to believe this, Mav, but the man sittingnext to me is masturbating.”“Dirty bugger, just ignore him,” she hisses.“I can’t, he’s using my hand.”

While on holiday, the Seven Dwarfs visit the local convent tobuy some souvenirs. They meet up with the Mother Superiorand Dopey stops to talk to her.“Excuse me, your holy one, do you have any short nunshere?” Mother Superior is quite puzzled by the question butreplies, “Not very short, some around 5 foot.” “Are you sure…

Taking his girlfriend to the cinema, the man’s wig fell offwhen they were canoodling in the back row. As he feltaround trying to find it, his hand accidentally went up hisgirlfriend’s skirt.“Oooh…” she moaned, “Go on, go on, that’s it.”“No, it can’t be,” he said. “I part mine on the right.”

Three men went out on the town and landed up at a sleazynightclub. As they drank their beers, a n@ked go-go dancerperformed on the table in front of them and at the end ofthe dance the audience showed its appreciation by throwingher money. The first man grinned at his mates, took £10 outof his pocket…

Tom was so shy he’d never had the courage to ask a girl outso his mate Jack decided to take him out on the town and gethim laid. Halfway through the evening they were drinking ina nightclub when a girl at the other end of the bar winked atTom.“Hey, Jack,” he stuttered, “that girl over…

There’s a badminton competition at the local leisure centreand a young man, seeing a girl all on her own, decides to goand ask her if she would like to team up with him for adoubles match. Much to his astonishment she yells at the topof her voice, “How dare you. No I will not join…