GOSSIP

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, as he was frantically looking for a clean shirt, he asked where they were. “Oh,” I said, “So now you’re speaking to me.” He looked confused and asked, “What are you…

A homeless man, down on his luck, went into a Catholic church. The church was known for its rather ‘uppity’ social reputation. Spotting the man’s dirty clothes, the ushers stopped him outside the church door and asked if he needed help. The man told them, “I was praying and the Lord told me to come to…

On Monday morning a postman is walking the neighbourhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway. His wonder is cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow Bob, looks like you guys…

Two young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were driving around town. Their car had a sign on top that read: “Two Prostitutes – $50.00.” A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they would have to remove the sign or go to jail. Right about that time a minivan passed by with a…

The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. The teacher, Mr. Clark asked, “John, why are you late?” He replied, “I was on Cherry Hill.” Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, “Why are you late?” Nathan answered, “I was on top of…

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident. Due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn’t physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance. One…

Two men who haven’t seen each other for a while meet on the street. One asks the other: “Hi, how are you?” The other one replies: “I’m fine, thanks.” “And how’s your son? Is he still unemployed?” “Yes, he is. But he is meditating now.” “Meditating? What’s that?” “I don’t know. But apparently it’s better…

Albert walks into a bar and sees his friend Norman at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching Norman, he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in August,” Norman said, “and left me $125,000.” “Gee, that’s tough,” replied Albert. “Then in September,” Norman continued, “my father died, leaving me $900,000.” “Wow. Two…

Bruce, sitting alone in his train compartment on a long journey, suddenly feels a nature call coming on strongly. He jumps up and runs down the corridor to the toilet. Trying frantically to open the door he sees a ragged piece of paper stuck to the unyielding door, informing him that it is ‘Out of…

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.” The following…