GOSSIP

John: I’ve been coming here for a while and it’s becoming a bit routine. Have you got something different to try? Madame: Well we do have a girl with a glass eye…she takes it out a let’s you fu*k her in the eye socket John: OMG that’s crazy, I’ll have to give it a try…

She browses around and spots a beautiful diamond necklace. Curious, she walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to take a closer look, she accidentally and unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously and hopes that no one noticed or heard her little accident. She turns around and to her horror, the…

A young politician campaigning for votes arranged to meet with a women’s group and discuss the subject of s*x. However, fearing his wife would not understand, he told her that he would be discussing the topic of sailing. Later, the wife met up with one of the ladies from the group, who told her how…

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to learn more about it, the three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition. The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years….

The conversation turns to their position in life and it’s clear that they are trying to one-up each other. The first one says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation,” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor. The second one says, “Well, my husband just…

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long time for you.” “What do you mean,” he replied, “I’m only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?” “45? You’re not 45,…

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, “I’ll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you’re doing.” At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well. Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she…

A woman goes to the dentist….and the dentist says “Looks like you need to have a tooth pulled.” The woman says “I’d rather have a baby.” The dentist looks at her and says “Make up your mind, I’ll have to adjust the chair.”

A girl in the bikini walked into the pool. After a few minutes she lost her bikini bottom. Horrified, she grabbed the pool’s warning sign post to cover her bottom. Everyone turned to her and laugh. She realized that post said “slippery when wet”. She quickly threw that post and grabbed another. Everyone also laughed…

The Divorce Court Judge has just finished reviewing Mickey’s petition for divorce when he says to Mickey, “Now let me get this straight, you say you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she’s crazy?”. Mickey, visibly upset and very emotional responds to the judge: “No, No, No Your Honor. I don’t want to divorce Minnie…