GOSSIP

One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what’s your name?” “I’m Phil and I’m OK thanks,” I replied. “Phil, forget your troubles Come to my villa, rest a while…

A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a wh*re.” The accountant balks…

A guy walks into a bar with two black eyes after a church service. His friend ask “Dale, what the hell happened to your face?” “When the lady sitting in front of me stood up to sing the hymns, I noticed her dress was clutched between her butt cheeks, so, being poIite I pulled it…

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling. “What are…

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out, since they can’t see each other signing. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. “Honey, why don’t we agree on some…

A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost…

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of…

A beautiful woman is sitting next to the little johnny on a plane. There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nosedive. The Captain comes on the intercom and says “I hate to have to tell you this folk, but we might not walk away from this one.” Everyone begins to…

On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, “I have a confession to make. I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with one other guy.” “Oh yeah? Who was the guy?” “Tiger Woods, the golfer.” “Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that.” The couple then makes passionate love….

A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive… After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax. After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring. It’s the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay. “It doesn’t matter,” answers the doctor….