GOSSIP

Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse? Doctor: No. Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure? Doctor: No. Lawyer: Did you check for breathing? Doctor: No. Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Doctor: No. Lawyer: How can you be so…

Old man Elmer is walking down the street in Brooklyn. He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible. Elmer walks up to the boy and says, “You know son, it’s really not healthy to eat all that candy.” The…

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door and told when to jump” “My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go” “But how do you know when…

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day her son came…

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,”…

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But…

In 1989, an 8.2 (on Richter scale) earthquake almost flattened Armenia, killing over 30,000 people in less than four minutes. In the midst of chaos, a father left his home and rushed to the school where he had left his son that morning, only to discover that the building had been totally destroyed. The father…

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eys, and bows down…

A man walks into his doctor’s office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It said, “I can’t talk! Help me!” The doctor nodded sagely, and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his…

A father walks with his young son into a coffee shop in Munich. He gives the young boy three Dollar coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The…