GOSSIP

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day her son came…

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,”…

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But…

In 1989, an 8.2 (on Richter scale) earthquake almost flattened Armenia, killing over 30,000 people in less than four minutes. In the midst of chaos, a father left his home and rushed to the school where he had left his son that morning, only to discover that the building had been totally destroyed. The father…

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eys, and bows down…

A man walks into his doctor’s office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It said, “I can’t talk! Help me!” The doctor nodded sagely, and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his…

A father walks with his young son into a coffee shop in Munich. He gives the young boy three Dollar coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The…

Computer-savvy Father Shufflebottom uses a standard liturgy for funerals. To personalize each service, he enters a “find and replace” command into his word processor. The computer then finds the name of the deceased from the previous funeral and replaces it with the name of the deceased for the upcoming one. The other day, Father Shufflebottom…

Norman comes home unexpectedly in the middle of the day. He opens the front door and finds his wife Georgia standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded. “What happened here?” he asks astonished. “I think the waterbed busted,” says the trembling wife….

A Polish man had married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada for a year or so and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange for a divorce for him….”very quick!!!”  The lawyer…