First the lieutenant says, “Having s*x is about 80% fun and 20% work.” Then captain replies, “No, there’s more work involved than that. I would say that it’s 60% fun and 40% work.” The major chimes in, “No, having s*x is definitely way more work than that. I would say that it’s 20% fun and … Read more
Before the bartender even returns with the check, the man has slammed back half of them and shows no signs of slowing down. As the guy finishes his final shot, the bartender asks, “Why are you drinking so fast?” The guy wipes his mouth and replies, “You’d be drinking fast, too, if you had what … Read more
My wife minored in psychology. She’s always using all her amateur psychology when we argue. Husband;When I fired the pool boy, she said, “Well, you know, you’re only firing him because he’s so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you’re projecting all … Read more
A girl in college calls her father after having s*x for the first time. She says, “Dad, I have a confession to make. I ain’t a v!rgin anymore.” Hearing this, the dad gets furious and shouts, “I work my @ss off to get you into one of the best universities in the state, and you … Read more
A soldier returns home to his wife after a year-long deployment overseas. He wants to show her how he managed to go a year without having s*x with anybody else. “So how did you do it?” she asks. “I trained my d*ck to respond to drill commands like so.” He undoes his belt and drops … Read more
“Go to this small town in Ireland, find our agent named O’Malley and say the following to him: ‘the shadows of the moon are getting dark.’ He’ll reply ‘but the sun will guarantee the light.’ When he says that, give him the package and head home.” So the agent goes to the small Irish town … Read more
I asked my masseuse if it was normal to get an Ere*ti0n during my massage He said it was perfectly normal. I said, “Ok, but could you at least stop bumping it into me?”
A lady walks into a store and asks where the XL c*nd*ms are kept. The manager sends her off to the family planning section. After ten minutes, the manager takes routine a walk around the store, to check on things. He finds the lady still in the family planning section, humming to herself, just looking … Read more
A tired man arrives home after attending his son’s wedding, proud that his son remained chaste until marriage. Take a shower. And he is almost asleep when his phone rings… “Dad?”, asks his son on the phone. “I’m on my honeymoon, and I don’t know how to have s*x. Can you explain it to me?” … Read more