GOSSIP

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs Jones, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.” The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I…

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don’t have a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and…

A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the…

A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her Assets would increase in size each time a man says, “Pardon” to her. She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, “Pardon me.” Her Assets instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into…

A beautiful woman is sitting next to a teenage boy on a plane. There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nose dive. The Captain comes on the intercom and says “I hate to have to tell you this folks, but we might not walk away from this one.” Everyone begins…

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”…

An elderly couple in their 80’s were going to Florida. At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going. The wife says “what did he say”. The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going. He then tells the officer that we are going…

(which I know I shouldn’t). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold,…

A cook gets married and the bride is a v@rg@n. On the wedding night, she cowers under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in bed and tries to gently reassure her. “Darling,” he says, “I know this is your first time and you are very frightened but I promise you, I’ll give…

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher decided to get to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living. The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.” The next little boy said: “I’m Andy and my dad…