GOSSIP

I’m furious, my wife is cheating on me with a painter. I found traces of paint in the bed. It’s good that with a painter, and mine cheats on me with a truck. “That’s enough, how about a truck?” “I found a driver in bed.”

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hide under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen…

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. “Well sister, this looks pretty grim.” “I know, father.”…

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse on the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns…

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak…. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged… shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital…

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants and raised her legs. The dentist said: “Excuse me; I ‘m not a gynecologist.” “I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”

A man walks into a bar with his iphone… He suddenly realizes he needs to fart. He logs into Itunes and ups the volume thinking ‘the music is loud no one will hear’ So he farts… When he looks around, everyone’s staring at him Then he realizes… He was listening to his iphone with headphones.

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?” No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot… Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we…

This one will perhaps only be good for your more advanced students. A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely, ‘Sorry but we don’t serve the likes of you. Get out!’ The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks…

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy. The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.” The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch…