GOSSIP

“Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool. “Joe,” Bill says, “I’m glad to see your wife finally let you out of the house.” “Things have been different with my wife,” Joe says. “In fact, just the other day, I decided to show her who was boss.” “How did…

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?” Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.” The teacher says, “No,…

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the…

A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his penis. The artist agrees, but she is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this. The man replies, “I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.” So, the…

A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, “There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them…

Dan married one of a pair of identical twins. Less then a year later he was in court filing for divorce. “Tell the court why you want a divorce,” the judge said. “Well, Your Honor,” Dan started, “every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my…

A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.” A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.”

One day little Johnny walked out of his bedroom with his suitcase packed. His dad asked him where he was going and Johnny replied, “Last night I heard you say that you were pulling out and mommy said she was coming too. I didn’t want to be left behind!”

Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.” The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. The insurance company doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the…

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over….