GOSSIP

The mother of a problem child visits the psychiatrist. After an hour’s session she was advised by the psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly. Come and see me again in two weeks.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you…

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see…

A Texas rancher gets in his pickup and drives to a neighboring ranch and knocks at the door. A young boy, about 9, opens the door. “Is yer Dad home?” the rancher asks. “No sir, he ain’t,” the boy replies. “He went into town.” “Well,” says the rancher, “is yer Mom here?” “No, sir, she…

Little Johnny is in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon. The teacher decides to have a game for the kids to get them thinking. “Okay, class. Now I’m going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off,” says the…

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night. Speaking firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!” The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to…

Aldric was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender. Worse, she  hadn’t gotten the license number. “What kind of car was he driving?” he asked her. “I don’t know,” said Samantha. “I never can tell one car from another!” At that, Aldric decided the time had…

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,”…

Sometimes trivia nails it! The U.S. Standard railroad gauge – the distance between the rails – is 4 feet, 8.5 inches (that’s 143.51 centimetres). That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads. Why did the English build…

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which happened to be on display. “I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.”…

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of the audience…