GOSSIP

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going…

Jimmy-Joe went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. “We have 99” replied the shop owner “Give us the lot” said. Jimmy-Joe, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket. He put a budgie in each pocket. Went up…

A farmer had three daughters, all young and very pretty. He guarded them with a shotgun. Friday night came and he heard a knock at the door. The farmer answered with his gun. A young man in suit and tie stood there with flowers. The farmer exclaimed “What do you want boy?” The young man…

After William Tell shot an apple off his son’s head with his crossbow, his friend approached him. “I heard about your apple-shot, impressive! But why risk your son’s life like that?” said his friend. William Tell replied, “You see, I was arrested by the evil tyrant Gessler for insubordination, but he said that I would…

Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in the sciences. One summer day he started his own investigations. With his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, he caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started his experiment with the amphibian. And told Sophie her job was to write down the results of…

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it…

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so…

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull….

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Mom, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Mommy gonna…

The school ends and Erica quickly puts her books in the bag and runs out of the class. Today is a special day. Erica is very excited. She runs home and thinks about her uncle. She spoke with him on the phone a week ago. He returns from Australia, and he brings a special surprise…