Joke No 1 :
a man was experiencing a rough patch in his life struggling with the emotional turmoil after the end of his romantic relationship he was in search of Solace and comfort during this challenging period in an attempt to find some relief he decided it was a good idea to pay a visit to a close friend of his he hoped that this friend could provide some much needed company or perhaps some guidance on how to deal with the painful feelings He was experiencing.
Upon his arrival his friend could immediately sense the heavy-hearted and understood that he was going through a particularly difficult time wanting to lift his spirits the friend thought of an unconventional method to provide some temporary relief from the distress he began I see that you’re going through a tough time and I believe I have something that could possibly brighten your day a little I’m offering you the opportunity to spend some quality time with my girlfriend.
she’s very frisky taken a back get intrigued the man couldn’t help but respond really that’s quite an expected offer acknowledging the surprise in his friend’s reaction he nodded affirmatively adding a rather strange but interesting piece of information yes and there’s something special about her she possesses a remarkable skill.
she can sing while giving a bl*w j*b it’s quite the experience but it requires that you do it in complete darkness The Proposal was bizarre yet it piqu the man’s curiosity enough for him to agree to the experience so later that night with the lights off and the room shrouded inm compl Darkness the man discovered his friend’s claims were indeed accurate as he was indulged in the intim@te act an astonishing musical melody enveloped the space captivating him and providing an escape from his emotional pain if only for a while.
The following day still puzzled by the previous night’s events he reconnected with his friend eager to discuss the mindboggling experience I had an unbelievable night he began but I’m completely mystified how is she capable of doing that his friend wearing a mischievous grin replied if you’re really curious to uncover the secret behind it why not go for a second round tonight but this time while you’re in the midst of the experience turn the lights on considering it a fair proposal and a chance to solve the Intriguing mystery the man agreed .
he found himself in the same setting that evening surrounded by darkness and the sound of beautiful singing Gathering his courage he reached out and flipped the like switch on as the room was instantly illuminated his eyes DED around finally settling on the bedside table where he saw a glass eye.
Joke No 2
In a bustling Hospital amidst the everyday Miracles a woman was in the throws of Labor she was determined weathering each contraction with grit as nurses scurried around offering words of encouragement and support after a considerable amount of effort marked by the woman’s steadfast pushing and breathing the baby’s head emerged everyone in the room paused for the Monumental first appearance of the child.
However the unexpected happened the baby’s eyes scanned the room locking on the doctor and asked are you my daddy the doctor caught between surprise and disbelief managed to respond no I’m not still processing the baby’s advanced communication in reaction the baby seemed to reconsider its entrance into the world and with through its head disappearing back into the comfort of the womb.
The room was filled with a stunned silence the medical staff at a loss for words and actions realizing the unusual nature of the situation they called for the obstetrician hoping that he could provide some guidance he arrived promptly concern etched on his face as he was briefed on the situation he approached and the scenario repeated itself the baby’s head emerged eyes filled with curiosity repeating the question are you my daddy.
I’m not the obstetrician replied equally startled as his colleague had been the baby seemingly dissatisfied with this response retreated once again the obstetrician now thinking on his feet suggested they involve the actual father it seems the baby is specifically asking for his father he refuses to come out otherwise he explained motioning for the nurses to fetch the expectant man who was anxiously waiting outside the room unaware of the bizarre events unfolding.
Upon the father’s entrance the atmosphere in the room was one of held breaths in High Hopes as expected the baby’s head appeared once more the question posed again are you my daddy the father overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions crouched closer assuring with all the love and pride in his heart his son under father no sooner had he acknowledged paternity than the baby’s tiny hand came into view index finger extended the newborn began tapping the father’s forehead rhythmically and with a surprising amount of force for such a small being and with a tone of Justified annoyance the baby said that’s pretty damn annoying isn’t it.
Joke No 3 :
there was a this little old lady and on the celebration of her 71st birthday she decided to treat herself to a state at a local Motel however as the evening wore on she realized that she was feeling quite lonely wanting to make her birthday more memorable she thought of an idea she had never considered before she remembered that in phone books there were advertisements for individuals offering various personal services.
Curious and wanting some company she decided she would try calling one of those men known for providing as SS and sensual massages so she took a phone book and started browsing through it eventually her attention was caught by a full page ad boasting a man who referred to himself as tender Tony the advertisement featured a photo of a very good-look man demonstrating various physical skills he was striking all the right poses showing off muscles that she had only seen in movies his hair thick and wavy and his legs long and Powerful his smile was bright and inviting and his abs resembled a washboard so firm that the old lady mused you could probably bounce a coin off them contemplating the image she thought I’m here he’s there and nobody needs to know feeling a bit daring she decided to give him a call as soon as he picked up the phone he greeted her with a very warm good evening ma’am.
How may I help you his voice was as sensual as she had imagined and the old lady felt a rush of excitement worried that she might become too shy if she took too long she decided to dive right into it with a bit of a quiver in her voice .
she said hello there I’ve been told you’re excellent with massages I’m currently staying at a motel and I would very much like for you to come over and give me one but I want to be honest with you I’m here all by myself and what I really want more than massage is to make love I’m talking about a passionate fiery kind of love I want you to bring everything you have rubber leather whips all of it I want us to have an adventurous night full of passion imagine night where we get a bit wild you can tie me up and maybe we can play with chocolate syrup and whipped cream truly indulging in every fantasy I’m completely ready for a night like this so what do you think about that inquired the old lady eagerly there was a pause and then tender Tony responded his voice filled with enthusiasm Madam that sounds like an incredibly Sensational experience in an all for it but you need to press nine for an outside line.
Joke No 4 :
There was a rich Widow who felt The Emptiness of her quiet Mansion after much reflection alone she realized what she truly desired was the company of a man not just any man though she wanted someone to be part of her luxurious life a companion who would meet certain important standards so after considerable thought she decided to take a practical approach to find this special someone she placed an advertisement that was clear and to the point stating affluent Widow seeks the company of a man to enjoy life and wealth together the man must meet these requirements one won’t beat me up two won’t run away three has to be great in bed as soon as she had put out her ad it seemed like every available man found his way to her doorstep her phone never stopped ringing it was like a symphony of ringtones the doorbell was pressed so often she thought the button might wear out she received mountains of letters so many that she wondered if the post office had started to redirect all mail to her residents yet despite this overwhelming tide of interested parties none of the gentlemen callers seemed to tick all the boxes she had outlined it was becoming a little discouraging and she felt her hope whining with each new But ultimately unsuitable introduction however one Ordinary Day the routine sound of the doorbell shine through her home she paused considering ignoring it but then decided it wouldn’t hurt to see who it was as she opened her grand front door her eyes cast downward finding a man right there on her porch what was completely unexpected was that this particular man had neither arms nor legs bewildered she couldn’t help but ask who exactly are you and what brings you here to my home the man looked up at her a self- assured smile spreading across his face and he said good day I’m going to let you know that your research is over I the man you’ve been looking for see having no arms means I can’t raise a hand against you and without legs I certainly can’t run away from you the Widow still standing in her doorway tried to absorb what she was hearing all right those first two points make sense but what makes you think that you’re so great in bed the man replied well I managed to ring the doorbell didn’t I.
Joke No 5 :
there was once a priest and a Shepherd from the far off lands of Australia and they found themselves participating in a popular television game show it was quite an exciting affair with bright lights a live audience and a host who was quite the Entertainer the two contestants quite different from each other were both eager and determined to win the game they bravely faced each challenge answering question after question that tested their knowledge on a variety of topics they tackled each one with gusto and after a thrilling and intellectually exhausting game they reached the final climactic part of the show this wasn’t just any old final the host announced with much fanfare that they had a very special task to complete the ultimate assignment was more creative than what they had faced before they were asked to compose a poem within a short span of 3 minutes and it wasn’t just about any random topic they had to write about Timbuktu a fairway City situated in the vast continent of Africa the task was daunting considering the time pressure and the specific subject matter the priest calm and contemplative decided to draw upon his life’s experiences when the 3 minutes were up he presented his work with pride he recited how’s a father on my life I had no children and no wife I read the Bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu the audience was visibly moved clapping and appreciating the depth and thoughtfulness of his words it seemed to all that the priest had sealed his victory with this poyant reflective poem the atmosphere was tense with anticipation as they believed they had heard the winning piece however it was then the shepherd’s turn with a mischievous Clinton his eye and an unexpected flare for creativity he came up with a poem that was quite different in tone he stood up and confidently recited when Tim and I to Brisbane went we met three women cheap to rent they were three and we were two so I booked one and Tim booked two.
Joke No 6 :
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes so the one nun says to the other hey let’s take all our clothes off fold them up and lock the door so they do this and begin painting their room soon they hear a knock at the door they ask who is it blind man the nuns look at each other and then nun says he’s blind he can’t see what could it hurt they let him in the blind man walks in and says hey nice where do you want me to hang the blinds.
Joke No 7 :
A woman decided to have a facelift for her birthday she spent $5,000 and felt really good about the results on her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around as she was leaving she said to the sales clerk I hope you don’t mind me asking but how old do you think I am about 35 he replied I’m actually 47 the woman said feeling really happy after that she went into McDonald’s for lunch and asked the order taker the same question he replied oh you look about 29 I am actually 47 she said feeling really good while standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question he replied I am 85 years old and my eyesight is good but when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman’s age if I put my hand under your sk*irt I will be able to tell your exact age there was no one around so the woman let him slip his hand up her s*kirt after feeling around for a while the old man said okay you are 47 stunned the woman said that was brilliant how did you do that the old man replied I was behind you in line at McDonald’s.
Joke No 8 :
Two older women were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a c0ndom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. First Lady:Whats that? Second Lady: A c0ndom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet. First Lady: Where did you get it? Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of c0ndoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. Doesn’t matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
Joke No 9 :
A girl is having a conversation with her close guy friend.
She tells him, “I found a pack of c0ndoms in my boyfriend’s jacket.
We’ve never used them before and when I asked he told me
he uses them to m@sturbate. Do you guys really do that?”
The guy replies, “Well sure, sometimes.”
Confused the girl asks, “Really? Guys m@sturbate into c0ndoms?”
The guy friend says, “Oh no, I thought you meant do guys sometimes
have to make up lies for their girlfriend.”
Joke No 10 :
A middle-aged couple, Frank and Linda, rent out their basement to a college student named Bryce.
The basement bathroom does not have a bathtub, only a shower stall.
So whenever Bryce wants to take a bath and not a shower, he has to use the tub in the upstairs bathroom.
One evening when Linda is at her book club, Frank decides to give Bryce a bath in his tub.
When the tub is almost full, he calls Bryce upstairs.
But when Bryce enters the bathroom and takes off his bathrobe,
Frank can’t believe what he’s seeing. Bryce’s p*nis is about twelve inches long.
The next day when Bryce is at college, Frank tells Linda about Bryce’s enormous p*nis.
“I’ll prove it to you!” he says. “Next week, come home from your book club early.
I’ll leave the bathroom window open a crack. Look through the window, and you’ll see how gigantic it is!”
A week later, Frank opens the bathroom window a crack, then calls Bryce upstairs for another bath.
Bryce enters the bathroom and removes his bathrobe, once again exposing his twelve-incher.
As Frank is about to leave, he says, “You know, Bryce, I can’t help but notice how colossal your p*nis is.
How did you get it to be that size?”
“It just grew that way,” replies Bryce.
“I never thought there was anything strange about it. I always thought it was a normal size.”
“Actually, it’s around twice the size of a medium-sized p*nis.”
Frank then shows Bryce his own, average-sized p*nis, to prove his point.
The next day when Bryce is at college, Frank asks Linda,
“Did you come home from your book club early and look through the window like I told you to?”
“Yes,” answers Linda. “Did you have to show him your own p*nis?”
“What’s the big deal? You’ve seen my p*nis hundreds of times before.”
“Yes,” says Linda, “but the rest of the book club hadn’t!”