Funny Jokes That Will Make You Laugh! Part#1

Joke No. 1:

There was a man who was very particular about finding a wife whom he thought was innocent and pure. To meet such a woman, he decided to start attending church, believing he would find someone with the qualities he desired there.

During his visits, he met a young lady who appeared to be quite nice. So, he decided to invite her to his home. When they arrived at his house, he wanted to test her innocence. He revealed his private part and asked her, “What’s this?” The young lady looked at it and simply replied. Hearing her response, the man concluded that she wasn’t as pure as he had hoped.

A few weeks later, he met another young lady at church. She seemed even more innocent than the first, so he soon took her home as well. He repeated his unusual test, showing her his private part and asking the same question. To his disappointment, she also replied. Frustrated, he felt that she wasn’t the pure, innocent woman he was looking for.

Some time passed, and he encountered a third woman who seemed to be very pure. She was reluctant to go to his home, but after a considerable amount of time, she finally agreed. Hoping for a different outcome, he again showed his private part and asked, “What is this?” This time, the woman giggled shyly and said, “A pee pee.” The man was overjoyed, thinking he had finally found a woman who met his standards of purity.

They eventually got married, but months into their marriage, every time she saw his private part, she would giggle and refer to it as “your PP.” One day, he couldn’t take it anymore and corrected her, saying, “Look, this is not a pee pee; it is a.” She laughed and said, “No, it’s not a pee pee; it’s 10 inches long and black.”

Joke No. 2:

At a local bar, there was a man who had been drinking quite a bit. He was very drunk and decided that he needed to use the restroom. He got up from his seat and staggered towards the restroom.

Arriving there a few moments later, some time went by, and suddenly, the bartender and the other patrons heard a terrifying scream coming from the direction of the restroom. The scream was so loud and alarming that it started to cause discomfort among the other customers, and some even began to leave the bar due to the disturbance.

Concerned about what was happening and the impact it was having on his business, the bartender decided to investigate. He made his way towards the restroom to find out what was causing such a commotion. Upon reaching the restroom, the bartender found the drunk man and asked him what was wrong.

The drunk man, looking bewildered and in pain, said to the bartender, “I don’t get it, but every time I try to flush the toilet, something is squeezing my nuts really hard. Can you please check and tell me what’s going on?”

The bartender, a bit hesitant but wanting to help, said to the man, “Buddy, I’m not sure how to break this to you, but you’re sitting in the mop bucket.

Joke No. 3:

A husband often told his wife, “Darling, you have such a beautiful butt.” Remarkably, this wasn’t just his view; everyone in their town agreed that the wife indeed had a very beautiful butt.

As the husband’s birthday drew near, the wife thought hard about a unique and memorable gift. She remembered how often her husband complimented her on her posterior, and the idea struck her – a tattoo. She visited a local tattoo parlor and, upon entering, said to the tattoo artist, “My husband thinks I have a beautiful butt.”

The tattoo artist took a look and agreed, saying, “Yes, you do have a beautiful butt.” She then told the tattoo artist, “I want ‘Beautiful Butt’ tattooed on my @ss.”

However, the tattoo artist raised a practical concern. He said, “I can’t fit that on your @ss; it takes up too much space. But I’ll tell you what, I will tattoo the letters ‘BB’ on each cheek, and that can stand for ‘Beautiful Butt.'”

The wife liked the idea and agreed to get it done on her husband’s birthday. She was wearing only a robe and positioned herself at the top of the stairs. As soon as he opened the door, she greeted him excitedly, saying, “Look, dear!” She then removed the robe she was wearing, bent over, and expected a delighted reaction. Instead, her husband yelled out, “Who the heck is Bob?”

Joke No. 4:

A man and a woman found themselves engaged in a lively debate over drinks one evening. The topic of their discussion was who derived more pleasure from lovemaking. The man confidently stated, “It’s obvious that men enjoy lovemaking more than women. Isn’t it clear from how much we men are focused on getting to have s*x?”

The woman, not convinced by his argument, replied, “That doesn’t really prove your point. Let me give you something to think about. Imagine you have an itch in your ear, and you use your finger to scratch it by putting it inside your ear and wiggling it around. Then, after you’re done and you pull your finger out, which one do you think feels more satisfied – your ear or your finger?

Joke No. 5:

A grandmother who had recently gotten married was eagerly awaiting a visit from her grandson. He called her to say that he was coming over to introduce his wonderful and charming wife to her. Feeling excited, Grandma began to explain in great detail how to get to their apartment in the high-rise retirement complex where she now lived with her new husband.

She said, “When you get to the main entrance of our apartment building, you’ll see a button in the lobby area, my dear boy. You should press this button with your elbow. I’ll hear it in my apartment and unlock the door for you remotely. You’ll hear a buzzing sound; that means the door is open. Use your elbow to push the door open and come inside. Then, head straight for the elevator. At the elevator, press the button to go up again using your elbow. Once the elevator arrives, step inside, press the button for the fourth floor with your elbow. When you get to the fourth floor, walk down the hallway to Apartment 420. There, press the doorbell with your elbow, and I’ll come to let you in.”

The grandson responded, “Dear grandma, don’t worry about us. We are familiar with the area as we have lived here all our lives. We can manage to find your apartment. But I’m curious, why do you keep telling me to use my elbow to press all the buttons?”

Hearing this, Grandma exclaimed, “What shameless! Are you coming without gifts in your hands for Grandma?

Joke No. 6:

Feeling the need for a serious talk, Mary approached her mother, who was engaged in household chores. Noticing her college-age daughter’s serious demeanor, her mother paused her tasks and encouraged Mary to sit with her for a conversation. They both sat down, each with a cup of coffee in hand. Mary appeared quite anxious, which made her mother even more attentive.

“What’s bothering you, sweetheart?” her mother gently inquired. “Remember, you can always share anything with me.” Mary took a deep breath, gathering her courage, and said, “Mom, I have something important to tell you, but please don’t pass judgment, and I need you to promise to keep it just between us.”

“I promise,” her mother replied. “What is it, dear?” Her mother encouraged Mary started, “You know Jeremy, our neighbor, the one I have been spending time with for study sessions?” Her mother, with a hint of caution in her voice, replied, “Yes, I know him. What about Jeremy?”

After a brief pause, Mary gathered her strength and admitted, “Well, the thing is, I think I’m falling in love with him.” Her mother’s face shifted from a look of concern to one of outright shock. “Mary, that’s not appropriate at all!” she exclaimed.

“Mom, you can’t tell me who I should or shouldn’t love,” Mary responded firmly. “But he’s old enough to be your father,” her mother pointed out with insistence.

“It doesn’t bother me. The age difference isn’t an issue for me,” Mary declared, taking a deep breath. Her mother replied, “Mary, I think you misunderstood me.”

Joke No. 7:

A woman returned home from her doctor’s appointment, smiling broadly and looking exceptionally pleased. Seeing her in such a good mood, her husband curiously asked, “Why do you look so cheerful?” The wife, still beaming, replied, “The doctor said that for someone who is 45 years old, I have the breasts of someone who’s only 18.”

Intrigued and a bit playful, her husband responded, “Really? Did the doctor mention anything about your 45-year-old @ss?” Without missing a beat, the wife said, “Oh, we didn’t talk about you at all.”

Joke No 8 :

A Dutch person and a Saudi person walk into a bar.They each agreed for a tour of their country under one condition about the hom0s*xu@ls.

The Saudi and Dutch thought they had very similar beliefs about g@ys. However, once at Saudi Arabia, the Dutch was mortified at all of the brutal death penalty methods used for hom0s*xu@lity.

At the Netherlands, the Saudi was mortified to see tons and tons of g@y people smoking weed out of peace pipes and such. They simultaneously said in utter shock and confusion, with a bit of betrayal; “What the hell? I thought you said your nation was the land of g@ys getting stoned!”

Joke No 9 :

When I turned 18, I went down to the courthouse to petition to change my name.

The clerk asked me why. “Just look at my application,” I said. “If you were named Oskar Von Wootengootenbootenshoot, wouldn’t you want something different?”

The clerk said, “I suppose you’ve got a point.”

I said, “Yeah, I don’t like Oskar, either.”

Joke No 10 :

My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer’s,
I see him every morning and he asks me If I’ve seen his wife.

Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago.

I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.

But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.

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