GOSSIP

The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club. On the first Tee, she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. The doctor said, “Wow, I have never seen you play this well before!” Marie says, “I took lessons.” A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed…

John woke up one morning immensely @roused so he turned over to his wife’s side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though and was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John texted: The Tent Pole Is Up The Canvas Is Spread The Hell…

A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, “What 20 Million American Women Want.” He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages. His wife was a little annoyed. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”…

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a V@gin@?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man…

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. “No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.” “That must…

A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?” She replied: “a can of peaches.” The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She…

A men with a mask on walks into a bank and goes to the desk. He pulls out a gun and points it at the lady at the desk. He says,’Open the vault skank’. The woman says, ‘Sir, this is a sperm bank. We dont have any money here’. The man says, ‘Open the vault…

A businessman tears open a beautiful Japanese woman in a Japanese disco. Later in his hotel, they are “busy”, she always yells “hai to, hai to”. He thinks, well, she is in a good mood and praises me very well… The next day, he plays with his Japanese business partner Golf and the Japanese manages…

A chicken walked into a public library, marched up to the desk and said, “Book, book, book, book.” So, the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it and then left. Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk and said, “Book, book, book, book.” Once again the librarian…

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning…