GOSSIP

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.” On the way to his office he regretted and decided it wasn’t worth the price. So,…

A woman walks into the Ipswich Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids… “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours? “Yeah they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats. “Well,” says the social worker,…

A man walks into a barber shop and says, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes. The man says, “You and I should spend some…

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down the following rules: “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want… and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you…

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses…

A boy says to a girl, “So, s*x at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later on the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!”…

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have…

The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed…

The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees. She explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later, the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Johnny — at the back of the class — put his hand up and…

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house–there wasn’t even a sofa. So Charlie would have…