YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGZINE
On another occasion the car broke down on a very coldwinter’s day.“I’ll soon have it mended,” said the man and he jumped outof the car and tinkered about underneath the bonnet. Fiveminutes later he got back in the car and put his handsbetween her legs.“It’s so cold out there, my hands are freezing up so…
Hello, Colin, what are you doing riding around on thatwoman’s bicycle?”“Well, it’s a long story,” replied Des. “I was on my way intotown when this lady passes me on a bicycle. She stops, waitsfor me to catch up, gives me a kiss and then takes her clothesoff!”“You can have anything you want,” she says, so…
The young couple had just got down to business when thegirl suddenly stopped.“What’s wrong, sweetheart, am I hurting you, shall I take itout?”“Yes,” she murmured. “Would you mind taking it out andthen putting it in a few times until I make up my mind?
“You are up before this court for the hideous crime ofmaking love to your wife after she had died. Do you haveanything to say in your defence?”“Yes, your honour. I didn’t know she was dead, she’d beenlike that for years.”
Three country lads were out in the big city when they wereattacked by a mugger.“Give me all your valuables,” he hissed, “or I’ll inject you with AIDS.”Immediately, two of the lads handed over their wallets andthen ran away. The third lad, however, refused so themugger injected him. Later, when the three lads met up, thetwo…
The woman was up in court for a second time, filing fordivorce. Three years earlier she had divorced her firsthusband because she claimed his “tackle” was too big. Thistime she wanted a divorce because her husband was “toosmall.”The judge granted her divorce but just before she left thecourt he gave her some words of warning.“Madam,…
Two women are watching a film in the cinema when oneturns to the other in surprise.“You’re not going to believe this, Mav, but the man sittingnext to me is masturbating.”“Dirty bugger, just ignore him,” she hisses.“I can’t, he’s using my hand.”
While on holiday, the Seven Dwarfs visit the local convent tobuy some souvenirs. They meet up with the Mother Superiorand Dopey stops to talk to her.“Excuse me, your holy one, do you have any short nunshere?” Mother Superior is quite puzzled by the question butreplies, “Not very short, some around 5 foot.” “Are you sure…
Taking his girlfriend to the cinema, the man’s wig fell offwhen they were canoodling in the back row. As he feltaround trying to find it, his hand accidentally went up hisgirlfriend’s skirt.“Oooh…” she moaned, “Go on, go on, that’s it.”“No, it can’t be,” he said. “I part mine on the right.”
Three men went out on the town and landed up at a sleazynightclub. As they drank their beers, a n@ked go-go dancerperformed on the table in front of them and at the end ofthe dance the audience showed its appreciation by throwingher money. The first man grinned at his mates, took £10 outof his pocket…