Category: Funny Jokes

ATool Has a Sad LifeA penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an @sshole; his best friend is a pu$$y, and his owner beats him habitually.

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming fromthe bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife n@ked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 8-year-old…

A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?”The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old.” “Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your forty-five…

A woman enrolled in nursing schoolis attending an anatomy class. Thesubject of the day is involuntarymuscles. The instructor, hoping toperk up the students a bit, asks thewoman if she knows what her@ssh0le does during an 0rg@sm. “Sure!” she says, “He’s at home taking care of the kids..”

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a h00ker. She’s not quite sure what to do so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you get a question, I’ll be parked around…

When The Bride Is Not Afraid to See Her Husband’s Dlck It was the first night for a newlywed couple. The bride was still a vlrgln because she heard how much s*x can hurt if a man has a large dlck.To make his bride feel at ease, the groom said to her, “0K, I am…

Two guys win big in a casino and onewants to hire a h00ker.They’re not familiar with the areaso they’re not sure how this works.After hours of random searching theyfinally find a pretty stunning blonde.So the one guy says to his friend thathe’ll catch up with him tomorrow so hecan leave his friend to do the…

A Feminist Talked to me About the Dwayne Johnson Rule The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, would i be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?’ If not, don’t say it.I thought this sounded like a good rule. So…

A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”So she consented and they were married, and they went on honeymoon to a very nice…

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.The 1st passenger said, ‘I am LeBron James, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.’ So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.The 2nd passenger,…