A beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out…

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you” She answers, ” My son, you cannot offend me….

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the…

The foreman on a large worksite noticed a new labourer one day and barked at him: “What’s your name?” “John.” The new bloke replied. The Forman scowled. “Look, I don’t know what kind of wishy-washy worksite you were on before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It’s weak and wastes time. I…

They thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic. “What’s Logic?” the first redneck asks. The professor answers by saying: “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weedeater?” “I sure do.” “Then I can…

One day little Johnny comes in from the playground and writes the word “pen!$” on the board in a block letter very small. So the teacher comes in and erases it and looks around the class for a guilty face. So the next day he does it again but bigger and it’s taking up half…

“Late again!” the third-grade teacher sternly said to Little Johnny. “It ain’t my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this ‘un on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!” Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what…

A 72-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing “fairly well” for his age. A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn’t resist asking the doctor, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?” The doctor asked, “Well, do you smoke…

An elderly texas gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, “This is from the gentleman seated over there,” indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send…

An elderly woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?” No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot. Finally, one man says, “Okay, but…