GOSSIP

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a Va*ina?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man…

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor, and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave…

Paddy, the Irish labourer goes to his doctor, “I’m constipated.” he says. The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, “Lean over the table.” After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his arse with a baseball bat. A loud “CRACK!” is heard, and the doctor sends Paddy to the toilet. After…

An old stockman wanders into an Alice Springs pub. As he sits sipping his beer, a young woman sits next to him. She turns to him and asks, “Are you a real stockman?” He replies, “Well, I’ve spent my entire life in the bush, riding horses, mending fences and herding mobs of cattle, so I…

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained. “These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others. “The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior….

Tom was in his early 50s, retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was five, ten or fifteen minutes late. But as he was a good worker and very sharp, the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it….

A woman finds Aladdin’s magic lamp. She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual. The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes: She says. “I want my husband to have eyes only for me. I want to be the only one in his life. I want him…

Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked. The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man his secret to long life. “I…

A thriving baseball club is one of the features of a boy’s organization connected with a prominent church. The team was recently challenged by a rival club. The pastor gave a special contribution of five dollars to the captain, with the direction that the money should be used to buy bats, balls, gloves, or anything…

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper. Dad says: “Where were you last night?” Son says: “I was at the library.” The robot slaps the son. Son says “OK, I was at a friend’s house.” “Doing what?” asked…