Joke No 1
A husband playfully challenges his wife stating I’m willing to bet you can’t tell me something that will simultaneously bring a smile to my face and a tear to my eye the wife pauses for a moment pondering his challenge then she confidently responds your tool is 2 inch bigger than your brother’s.
Joke No 2
A hardworking farmer passed away, leaving all his possessions to his loyal wife. She was an attractive lady and really wanted to keep the farm running. However, she wasn’t familiar with the ins and outs of farming. Thinking it would be wise to seek help, she put up an advertisement in the local paper. Two cowboys responded to her ad. Interestingly, one of the cowboys was openly g@y, and the other had a reputation for loving his drink a bit too much.
Pondering over her choices, and with no other applications coming through, she opted to employ the g@y cowboy, feeling it might be less risky than hiring the heavy drinker. The choice turned out to be beneficial. The g@y cowboy was industrious, worked long hours, and had a ton of knowledge about farming. Weeks went by, and thanks to their collective effort, the farm was prospering.
One Sunday, appreciating his relentless dedication, the widow suggested to the hired help, “You’ve been doing a commendable job, and the farm is thriving. Why not head to town tonight and let loose a little?” Eagerly agreeing, the farm man headed off for a night in town.
Midnight rolled around, and there was no sign of him. As 1:00 then 2:00 ticked by, the widow grew anxious. He finally strolled in around 2:30 in the morning. As he stepped into the room, he found the widow sitting cozily by the warm fireplace, sipping on some wine, seemingly awaiting his return.
She beckoned him over with a gentle gesture. “Please unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she whispered with noticeable nervousness. He complied. “Now, carefully remove my boots,” she continued. He did so, setting each boot aside very carefully. “Next, my socks,” he gently took them off, placing them next to the boots. “Now, unfasten my skirt.” His fingers fumbled a bit, but he managed, all the while keeping his eyes locked onto hers illuminated by the soft glow of the fire.
“Finally, my bra,” with hesitant hands, he followed her request. She then leaned in and said with a stern look, “Listen closely. If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”
Joke No 3
A father and his 8-year-old son stroll into a pharmacy. As they’re browsing, they come across the section displaying c)ndoms. The curious boy points and asks, “Dad, what are these things?” The father, trying to be straightforward, answers, “Those, my son, are c)ndoms. Men use them to ensure they have protected intim@cy.” The boy nods, saying, “Oh right, I remember hearing about them during our health lesson at school.”
Examining the display closer, the boy picks up a pack of three, wondering, “Dad, why are there only three in this box?” The father explains, “Well, son, those are tailored for high school boys. They have one for Friday night, one for Saturday, and one for a relaxed Sunday.” The boy finds this interesting and murmurs his understanding.
He then spots a six-pack and inquires, “And this pack with six, who’s it meant for?” The father begins, “That one is for college guys. They might need two for a lively Friday night, two for Saturday, and then another two for Sunday.” The boy exclaims, “Wow, that’s quite a lot!”
Now intrigued, he notices a pack containing 12 c)ndoms, picking it up. He questions, “And these, Dad, who would need so many?” The father lets out a long sigh, replying, “That one, son, is for the married fellows. One for January, one for February, one for March…”
Joke No 4
At a clinic a gynecologist realizes that his new patient seems quite anxious as he’s slipping on his latex gloves he attempts to lighten the mood do you know how they actually produce these latex gloves he curiously asks her she shakes her head indicating no.
he elaborates while there’s a special plant in Mexico filled with latex people with different hand sizes simply dip their hands into it that allow it to dry forming these gloves she remains stone-faced at first not showing any reaction however after a short pause she bursts into laughter caught off guard the doctor inquires what made you laugh all of a sudden with a playful smirk she responds I’m imagining how they make c)ndoms.
Joke No 5 :
In a bustling Club a man struck up a conversation with an attractive woman may I offer you a drink he inquired trying to be Charming she raised an eyebrow and countered know you have a girlfriend most good-looking guys like you are taken his expression turned a tad gloomy actually we ended things just over a month ago.
she saw softened that’s unfortunate I’m sorry to hear in that case I’d love a white wine the initial drink turned into a second and then a third after several rounds some light flirting and a shared intimate moment they decided to head to her apartment one thing quickly led to another as they were recovering and he was getting dressed she looked at him clearly impressed and asked you’re handsome such a gentleman and incredible in bed why did things end with your girlfriend he hesitated for a beat then admitted my wife found out
Joke No 6
In a small town, a gas station owner aimed to boost sales by placing a big sign outside that read, “Get free s*x with every tank fill-up.” One day, Rob drove into the station, filled up his car’s tank, and eagerly inquired about the free s*x offer.
The owner explained the drill: to win, you needed to pick a number between 1 and 10. Feeling optimistic, Rob exclaimed, “Today’s my birthday, and I’m feeling especially lucky. I’m going with the number eight.” The owner paused, then replied, “Oh, you were super close. The number today was seven, but no luck this time—no free s*x.”
About a week later, Rob returned for a refill, this time with his buddy Marvin. Undeterred, Rob asked for his free s*x once again, and the gas station owner prompted him with the same challenge. Hopeful, Rob chose the number two. The owner shook his head and said, “Almost had it. The number was three. You were just one off, but alas, no free prize today.”
As they were driving away, Marvin turned to Rob skeptically and said, “You know, I have a hunch that game is a scam. I don’t think he actually offers free s*x.” Rob smiled and replied, “It’s genuine; my wife won twice last week.”
Joke No 7
A man is cruising through the remote areas of Montana when he spots a curious sign in front of a dilapidated house: “Talking dog for sale.” Intrigued, he stops, rings the doorbell, and the owner of the house directs him to find the dog in the backyard.
In the yard, the man finds a friendly-looking Labrador Retriever lounging around. “You can actually talk?” the man asks, somewhat incredulous. “Indeed, I do,” the lab confirms. After taking a moment to absorb the surprising revelation, the man inquires about the dog’s life story.
The Labrador sits up, clears its throat, and begins, “You see, I realized I could speak when I was just a pup. Recognizing the potential, I approached the government, specifically the CIA. Before I knew it, they had me flying from one country to another, sitting in top-secret meetings with spies and important leaders. Nobody suspected a dog could understand, let alone eavesdrop. For nearly eight consecutive years, I served as one of their most treasured undercover agents. However, all the continuous travel and secret missions started taking a toll on me. Knowing age was catching up, I thought it best to find a quieter job.”
The Labrador continues, “I took up a role at a busy airport, doing covert security work. I would casually stroll past individuals who looked shady and overhear their plans. During this period, I uncovered numerous plots and received multiple awards. Eventually, I met a lovely lady dog, settled down, had a bunch of lively puppies, and chose to retire.”
Completely astounded, the man walks back to the house and asks the owner the price for this seemingly extraordinary dog. The owner responds, “Just $10.” The man, puzzled, questions, “Just $10? This dog sounds like he’s had the most incredible life. Why would you let him go for such a small amount?” The owner leans in and says, “I’m letting him go cheap because he loves to make up stories. Trust me, he’s never even left this backyard.”
Joke No 8 :
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, “Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up… Roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gomer said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”
“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
“Yup, we never seen ’em, but everybody used to say, ‘There’s Bubba with them two @ssholes.’
Joke No 9
A guy gets too drunk while playing golf and forgets what hole he’s on
He sees a woman ahead of him and yells “what hole am I on?”
She says “you must be on the hole behind me and I’m on 5, so you must be on 4.”
He plays a few holes and forgets again. He sees her and yells “hey, what hole am I on now?”
She says “you’re on the hole behind me and I’m on 12, so you must be on 11.”
He eventually finishes and goes to the clubhouse bar for one last beer. He sees the woman, thanks her for the help, and asks what she does.
“It’s kind of embarrassing, please don’t laugh. But I sell menstrual supplies.”
The man starts laughing hysterically and she glares at him, obviously upset at his laughing.
“No no no, I’m not laughing at what you do” he says. “It’s just that I sell toilet paper. So I’m on the hole behind you.”
Joke No 10 :
Three friends bragged about who has more s*x…. Friend A said “You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and have a 8 inch p*nis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women”
Friend B said “Oh yeah? Well I’m the top gynecologist doctor at the most highly rated hospitals in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have s*x with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch p*nis. I have slept with well over 5,000 women.”
Friend C said, “I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”