Joke no 1 : A waiteress takes an order from a customer who asks for half a Caesar salad.
The waiter says “Well, we have a small and a large, would you like the small?”
The customer says, “No, I don’t want a small or a large. I want HALF a Caesar salad. Why is that so hard?”
The waiter says “Ok…. let me go check with the chef.” The waiter walks off toward the kitchen, but he doesn’t see that the customer has gotten up from his table and is following right behind him.
The waiter gets to the kitchen, and says to the chef, “Some @sshole jerk weirdo out there wants me to get him HALF a Caesar salad…” and he jerks his thumb toward the dining room, and in so doing, he sees the customer standing right behind him.
“And this fine gentleman would like the other half.”
And the chef says “Wow…that was quick thinking. You got youself out of trouble with that quick remark”.
And the waiter says “Yeah, where I come from you have to be a quick thinker.”
The chef says “Where are you from?” and the waiter says “I’m from Canada.” The chef says “Why did you leave?” The waiter says “Ahhh…everybody up there is a wh*re or a hockey player.”
The chef says, “My wife is from Canada.”
The waiter says, “Oh, really…what team did she play for?”
Joke No 2 : A last day of Waitress
A waitress, on her last day, decides to walk to each of her tables and lift up her skirt to proudly proclaim,
“Super Pu$$y!”. She continues to do this over and over to the horror of her customers, until she reaches a table which sat an elderly man. She approaches him and lifts up her skirt and, again, proclaims, “Super Pu$$y!” and awaits his reaction. The old man looks at her, then her pussy, then back at her and says, “I think I’ll have the soup.”
Joke No 3: A Waitress approached a Man sitting at the table.
Waitress: Are you ready to order sir?
Man: Yes.
Waitress: What about your Wife?
Man: She has popped to the bathroom.
Waitress: Do you know what she is having?
Man: Well it’s been 10 minutes, so probably a shit.
Joke No 4 : waitress started flirting
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste.”
Joke No 5 : A waitress forgot to ask a customer
A waitress forgot to ask a customer how he wanted his steak cooked. She returns to the table and asks him. He replies, I like my steak like I like my s*x!
So the waitress turns to the kitchen and shouts, “Very rare.”
Joke No 6: A wife decides to take her husband to a str!p club
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a str!p club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.
“Oh no,” says Dave. “Hes on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A str!pper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”
Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the str!pper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.
Joke No 7: A waitress caught a m@sturb@ting men
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously m@sturb@ting…
She says, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing?”
One of the Bulgarian men says, “Can’t you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry.”
The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, “So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??”
One of the other businessmen replies, “The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!”
Joke No 8: Waitress and Hand Job
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says:
Hot dog – $2
Cheeseburger – $5
Hand job – $10
He asks the waitress, “Miss are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” She winks and replies, “why yes I am.” He says, “Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”
Joke No 9: A Waitress and Quickie
An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.
“How about a quickie?” asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, “Dude, it’s pronounced “quiche””.
Joke No 10: Presidents and Waitress
George Bush and Dick Cheney stopped in to a small diner for breakfast while touring through the country.
The waitress comes to take their orders. Cheney orders an omelette. She turns to the President and asks for his order. President Bush turns to the waitress, smiles, and says sweetly, “honey, could I have a quickie?”
“Mr President!” shouts the waitress. “I thought you were bringing a new era of decency and morality to the White House, but now I see that was all a LIE!!” She storms off.
After a few seconds, Dick Cheney says quietly, “George, it’s pronounced *quiche*.”
