THIS BLONDE IS SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THESE BLONDE JOKES
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said… FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
BLONDE TOOK THE PREGNANCY TEST
One blonde tells another “I just took a pregnancy test”
The other replies: “Were the questions hard?”
A BLONDE THREW A PIN
A blonde threw a pin at me the other day.
I ran like fu*k, she had a grenade in her hand.
ANOTHER BLONDE SICK OF HEARING ALL THE JOKES
A blonde woman had gotten sick of hearing all the jokes about blondes being dumb.
She decided to prove a point and went home one night to study all the world capitals of every country.
The next day at work she overheard some guys cracking more typical blonde jokes.
She said to them, “You know that’s just a stereotype. Blondes can actually be quite educated and intelligent. As a matter of fact, I can tell you the capital of any country in the world.”
Intrigued, one of the coworkers asked, “Alright then, what’s the capital of Spain?”
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The blonde quickly replied, “Easy, that one’s an ‘S’.”
BLIND MAN AND RED HEADED BLONDE JOKE
the blind man who walks into a bar. He sits himself, then asks the bartender “would you like to hear a blonde joke?” The bartender leans closer and says “Before you start, I’ll have you know that I’m blonde, and have a shotgun under the cash register. The woman to your right is also blonde, and she’s a powerlifter, the best in town, actually. The woman to your left is blonde too, she has a dojo down the street, she’s got her 3rd dam recently, and teaches self defense every tuesday. The bouncer is also a blonde, she’s 6’4″, built like a wardrobe, and she takes crap from no one. Now, what’s that joke you were gonna tell?” The blind man thinks, then says “forget it. I don’t wanna explain one joke 4 times”.
A BRUNETTE, A RED HEAD AND A BLONDE JOKE
A brunette, a red head and a blonde are waiting in an OBGYN office.
The brunette says I’m having a boy because he was on top.
The red head says I’m having a girl because I was on top.
The blond bursts out crying. The other two run over and ask her what’s wrong.
The blonde sobbingly says I’m going to have puppies.
A BLONDE DECIDED TO DYE HER HAIRS
A blonde is sick and tired of all the jokes and stereotypes against blonds, so she decides to go and dye her hair. Afterward, she feels so good and decides to go for a drive in the country and rents a convertible to do so.
After driving out of the city, she eventually has to stop as a herd of sheep are crossing the road. She’s feeling particularly good today, so she calls over the shepherd and proposes a wager. If I can guess exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, would you allow me to pick a sheep to take home with me? Obviously, the shepherd thinks she couldn’t guess in one try, so he says sure, why not.
The blonde then looks over the flock briefly, then says 357!
The shepherd shocked says, That’s right. Well I’ll keep my end of the deal, go ahead and pick any sheep you want. The blonde looks around and sees one that looks more lively and playful than the rest, so she decides on that one.
OK, now that you made a bet with me, it’s only fair to let me make a wager with you. The blonde thinks for a bit then says sure, that seems fair. So the shepherd leans in to her car and says, if I can guess your true hair color, can I get my dog back?
BRUNETTE AND BLONDE ROOMMATES
A brunette comes in her blonde roommates bedroom early one morning.
Blonde: “where were you last night?”
Brunette: ” so I totally spent the whole night banging a s*xy Brazilian.
” Blonde: ” you SL*T!! THAT MANY? IN ONE NIGHT?!”
WHAT DO YOU CALL A SMART BLONDE?
What do you call a smart blonde?
Golden Retriever
WHY DO BLONDES HAVE SQUARE T1TS?
Why do blondes have square t1ts? They forgot to take the tissues out the box
A REDHEAD GOES TO THE DOCTOR
A redhead goes to the doctor and tells him she thinks she’s dieing. The doctor says, why do you say that? She points to her head and says “Ouch”, points to her chest and says “ouch”, point to her leg and says “ouch”. She says “see doc, I must be dieing because I hurt all over. The doc says, 2 things: “your really a blonde, right” she says yes, how did you know? The doc says because your finger is broken.
A BLONDE IS DRIVING DOWN A ROAD
A blonde is driving down a road in the countryside and out in one field, she sees a blonde in a row boat, just rowing away as if her life depended on it. She immediately gets furious and screeches to a halt on the side of the road. She jumps out of her truck and stamps over the the fence line and yells at the blonde in the row boat until she gets her attention. When she finally does she tells her, “You know, it’s fu*king dumb ass blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! ….and if I knew how to swim….”
BLONDE AND NAME OF ALL CAPITALS
One day a Blonde comes in to work and announces:”I got tired of all you guys saying I was dumb, so last night I memorized ALL the capitals of EVERY STATE in the country! GO AHEAD! TEST ME!”
So a co-worker says: “OK, I will – what’s the capital of Wisconsin?
And the Blonde proudly answers: “W!”
A BLONDE AND PLANE
While boarding a plane at the airport one blonde says to another: I wonder how they paint these planes, they are huge.
To which the second blonde responds: It’s easy. Once the plane takes off, it becomes really small in the sky. Then you can paint it.
A BLOND AND A BRUNETTE ARE STANDING ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF A RIVER.
A blond and a brunette are standing on opposite sides of a river. The brunette yells out” How do I get to the other side?” The blond yells back, “You are on the other side!”
WHAT DO A BLONDE & A TURTLE HAVE IN COMMON?
What do a blonde & a turtle have in common?
Once on their backs they are both screwed.
HOW DO YOU MAKE A BLONDE FEEL SMART?
How do you make a blonde feel smart?
Give her a jigsaw puzzle that has “4 to 6 years” on the box. She’ll be very proud of herself when it only takes her a week to finish it.