YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGZINE
An elderly woman is at home when the phone rings. She picks it up and answers, “Hello.” “May I speak to Mrs Sanders, please?” “Speaking.” “Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr Sanders arrived as…
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a crowd standing around a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said roughly, “Let’s get…
Paddy and Angus meet at their favourite bar. Over their pints, Angus leaned in and said, “Does ye know what I did last night, eh?” Paddy had no idea, and Angus said, “I’m a very rich man. I robbed a shop full of expensive pictures!” Paddy was impressed. He said to Angus, ”Wow, that’s astonishing!…
Isabel and Jennifer are at a café in Hampstead, talking. Jennifer declares happily that she’s finally got pregnant after years of trying. “How did you manage it?” asks Isabel. “I went to that hypnotherapist on High Street,” replies Jennifer. “I got pregnant within two months.” “Oh, my husband and I tried seeing him years ago,”…
An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another…
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do…
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he…
Vital pieces of wisdom. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. And do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire. It’s…
A woman in her early twenties goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never…
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his…