Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to first-year medical students. This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, ‘Do you know what your @ssh0le is doing while…

While driving too fast on #16 hole at the golf course, a retired but handsome gentleman accidentally overturned his cart late one March afternoon.An attractive female who lives in a huge house right on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: -“Are you OK?”“I’m gonna live, just bruised up, thanks.”- he replied, as…

Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls. After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee. They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have nothing to wipe themselves with. So…

A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.” “No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?” His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself and repeat 3 times I do…

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English. Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it’s the Pope’s turn, he asks: “Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus…

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.” “What is your sin, my child?” The priest asks back. “Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible.” “When did you do use this awful language?” said the priest. “I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it…

The pilot comes on over the intercom and says “Folks, we’re pleased to have you flying with us on our brand new 737, fresh from our good friends at Boeing!” Immediately, the Boeing employees all scramble to get out of their seats and off the plane as quickly as possible. It’s utter pandemonium in the…

A woman is having s*x with a rather large man in the back of a car, when suddenly the man has a heart attack. The woman tried to get the man off of her, but he’s too heavy. Luckily, the woman is able to call 911 with her cell phone. When the emergency services come,…

A boy meets a girl for a date The boy said: “I wanted to get you flowers, but when I got to the flower shop, a girl was blocking the door! She was dressed like a pr0st1tute, and was murmuring something, I think it was numbers! I didn’t want to deal with her, so I…

The first one starts. “My little boy is a really succesfull doctor. He and his girlfriend will go on a 1 month vacation in Europe next week.” The second mother goes: “Thats nothing. My boy is a succesfull lawyer and just bought his girlfriend a new Aston Martin.” The third mother goes: ” Thats still…