Husband is walking behind his wife and says, “Your bottom is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine.” The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bedtime comes around, the husband starts getting amorous. Wife says: “I’m not starting the old washing machine for such a small load. You’ll have to do it…

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself : Man: “May I buy you a cocktail?” Maxine: “No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.” Man: “Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?” Maxine: “No, they spread.”

An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.?” “Yes,” he replies. “Fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds.” “Well,” the old woman snickers, “should we get naked again…

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?” “But Dad, it wasn`t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher…

Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been best friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day.    One day Betty said, “Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school.  Please do me one favor: When you…

I have become a victim of a clever scam when using the casino’s car parking facility Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to car as about to get in after leaving the casino. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts….

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain, he said.” Well, as these things…

A man and a woman went to court disputing over custody of their child. The Judge asked the woman to rise and argue her case ….. The Judge asked the woman to rise and argue her case for why she should be awarded custody of the child. The woman replied, “Your Honor, I brought this…

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: “Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?” Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. “Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands…

After looking around the shop for a while and being unable to spot what he wants, he goes up to the counter and signs to the pharmacist, who only looks at him in mild bewilderment. The deaf-mute pats his pockets for a pencil and paper only to realize that he’s come out without any, and…