There’s an elderly couple who has reached that point in life, where sex isn’t part of the itinerary anymore. One night, the wife turns to her husband and says, “Every-time one of us wants to have a bit of a slap and tickle, we just have to say, “Washing machine.” A night passes, and the…

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he…

A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?” His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy nods and then says, “OK,…

His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids. You don’t make her say things twice. Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident.” “Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding her horse…

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor. Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.” “My dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.” “The problem,” she complained, “is that it wakes me…

A husband and wife decided they needed to use “a code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word “typewriter.” One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.” The child…

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid She thought of a plan to take him by surprise One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid’s room switched off all the lights and in pitch darkness slipped into the…

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so…

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepare to see each other n@ked for the first time. The husband takes off his socks and exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, had tolio as a child.” The wife asks if he means polio. He says, “No, it only affects the toes.” He removes his pants…

A guy is sitting in a bar. A beautiful woman walks in. She’s a knock-out and he can’t take his eyes off her. She notices him, smiles, then sits beside him. She looks into his eyes and tells him, “For $200 I’ll do anything you want.” He’s astounded. “Anything? “, he asks her. “Yes, anything”,…