A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal. illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to…

Two men were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size. The first hunter said, “Wow, that’s some hole. I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is.” The second hunter said, “I don’t…

A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk. She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she returned to the store very disappointed. “The parrot doesn’t talk.” “Did you buy a mirror?”…

A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested he shaves his beard off. “Oh Paddy.” she said, “Please shave it off, I want to see all of your lovely face.” “I can’t,” said Paddy, “My wife loves this beard, she’d kill me if I shaved it off!” “Please!”…she pleaded in a sexy seductive…

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going…

Jimmy-Joe went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. “We have 99” replied the shop owner “Give us the lot” said. Jimmy-Joe, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket. He put a budgie in each pocket. Went up…

A farmer had three daughters, all young and very pretty. He guarded them with a shotgun. Friday night came and he heard a knock at the door. The farmer answered with his gun. A young man in suit and tie stood there with flowers. The farmer exclaimed “What do you want boy?” The young man…

After William Tell shot an apple off his son’s head with his crossbow, his friend approached him. “I heard about your apple-shot, impressive! But why risk your son’s life like that?” said his friend. William Tell replied, “You see, I was arrested by the evil tyrant Gessler for insubordination, but he said that I would…

Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in the sciences. One summer day he started his own investigations. With his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, he caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started his experiment with the amphibian. And told Sophie her job was to write down the results of…

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it…