A young Englishman was beset by an existential crisis. He didn’t know what to do with his life and struggled with terrible bouts of depression and anxiety. One day, he decided to travel to Vienna to see the eminent psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud.
Upon arriving in Vienna, he ran as fast as he could to see Dr. Freud. Even though he didn’t have an appointment, he burst into Dr. Freud’s office and said:
“Herr Dr. Freud! I’m sorry to bother you but I must speak with you at once. I feel like my life has no meaning. I don’t know what to do with my life. Everything seems hopeless. And on top of that, I’m 30 years old and I haven’t had s*x yet! What will fill the void in my life?”
The wise old therapist paused for a moment. Then he said one word to the young man:
“Kant.”
Of course, thought the young man. Who better to cure existential dread than the great German existentialist philosopher, Immanuel Kant! He spent the next ten years studying at University of Marburg, where the most prominent Kantian philosophers taught. For years, he pored over every treatise that Kant had ever written, and eventually earned his Ph.D. in philosophy. But yet, he still felt there was something missing in his life.
The now not-so-young man once again burst into Dr. Freud’s office and said:
“Herr Dr. Freud! I’m sorry to bother you again but I took your advice and it didn’t work. I went to school for 10 years, studied every one of Kant’s works, and even earned a Ph.D. But I still feel like my life has no meaning. And on top of that, I’m now 40 years old and I still haven’t had s*x yet! What will fill the void in my life?”
Dr. Freud was puzzled, adjusted his spectacles, and mustering his best English said:
“No, no, not Kant. C**t! You know, poosie.”