When A pirate walked into a bar.

to the mast, I escaped by gnawing my own hand off.”
The bartender was growing skeptical. “And how did you get that eyepatch?”

The pirate took another swig. “Twas a mutiny. My own crew left me marooned on a desert island. But I had no fear.

I lay down on the sand to wait to be rescued. As I looked up, a seagull flew over and pooped in my eye.”

The bartender said, “That’s ridiculous, no one loses an eye from bird muck.”
The pirate finished his ale in one gulp and grimaced. “Twas the first day with the hook.”


Man Starts Crawling Toward His House

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