GOSSIP

Gravely ill, the Skipper was examined by a doctor while his wife stood by. After the examination the physician motioned for her to meet him in the hallway. “Your husband is very sick,” the doctor said. “Still, you can do three things to ensure his survival: First, fix him three healthy meals a day. Next,…

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we…

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies group bake sale, but she forgot to do so until the last minute. She scuttled into the kitchen, threw together the ingredients real fast and baked an angel food cake. When she took it from the oven, she saw the center had dropped flat. She…

A balding man was looking for solutions. Not satisfied with the results he got from his family doctor, he sought out an alternative treatment for his hair loss. A friend referred him to a scientist who had been testing a chemical that showed great promise. Within a week after taking the recommended dosage, a heavy…

A British man was stopped by a French gendarme and asked to give a breathalyser test. It happened near Le Bugue in the Dordogne and at the time he was stopped he was as drunk as a skunk. The gendarme signals to him to wind down the window then asks him if he has been…

A little while after tucking their three-year-old boy Georgie in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him by now crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of…

Back in the frontier days, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days, when finally they saw an “Old Jewish Man” sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed to him and said, “We’re lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we…

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look…

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, “Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!” The local pastor hears this and asks, “Why are you calling them ‘dam’ fish?” The boy says, “Because I caught these fish at the local dam!” The pastor buys a couple fish, takes…

A blind man decided to visit Texas. When he boarded the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.” When he finally landed in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving, he ordered a beer and got a…