Joke No 1: A newlywed farmer and his wife
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.
At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head “yes” and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head “no” and mumble a reply.
Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy,’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask, ‘You wanna sell that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”
Joke No 2 : My mother-in-law was staying with us for Christmas last year.
My mother-in-law was staying with us for Christmas last year.
One afternoon she put on her coat and grabbed the car keys from the counter.
My wife asked, “Where are you going?”
She replied, “Heading to the cemetery.”
I said, “Great, but who’s going to bring the car back?”
Joke No 3: A mother in law said to her son’s wife
A mother in law said to her son’s wife when their baby was born:
“I don’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son.” The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: “I don’t mean to be rude either, but this is a pu$$y, not a fu*king photo-copier.”
Joke No 4 : My mother in law bought a talking parrot
My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later.
“This parrot hasn’t spoke a single word.” She complained.
“I haven’t had a fu*king chance to!” Replied the parrot.
Joke No 5 : Good Mother in Law
A woman confided to her mother that she wanted to divorce her rich husband because he wanted @n@l s*x all the time.
The daughter explained to her mom that when they got married her @sshole was the size of a dime and now it was the size of a quarter.
Her mother said, “He buys you a multimillion dollar condo every year, takes you on exotic vacations all over the world, he bought you a Mercedes and a BMW, he lets you spend thousands of dollars on clothes every week, and you are bitching about 15 cents???!!!!!”
Joke No : 6 A wake for my mother-in-law
Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, “Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?”
“No,” responds the second man. “Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly”
“Oh, No!” says the first man. “So were the people there to pay their final respects?”
“No,” says the second man. “Once news started to spread about the incident, men from all over the county started coming over asking if they could borrow my mule.”
Joke No 7 : A guys mother in law comes to live with him
One day he comes home to find her passed out on the floor. He calls 911, the paramedics come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.
The guy goes to the hospital and is in the waiting room when the doctor comes out.
The doctor says, “Well, I have some good news and some bad news.”
The guy says, “Alright, give me the bad news first.”
The doctor says, “Your mother in law is not going to die. She had a massive stroke, but she is probably going to live another 20-30 years. The problem is the stroke has rendered her unable to speak. She just makes this horrible screeching noise like a parrot now. It has also disabled her ability to use her arms. For the next 20-30 years you are going to have to feed her baby food 3 times a day. Also, its mad her incontinent, so you’re going to have to change her diapers and clean her up every single day for the next 20-30 years.”
“Oh my god”, the guy said. “Whats the good news?”
The doctor chuckles and goes, “Im just kidding with you she died”
Joke No : 8 mother-in-law a cemetery plot
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
Joke No 9 : police and mother-in-law
The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband.
They only spoke to her for two minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide.
Joke No 10 : A wife calls her mother in-law
A wife calls her mother in-law and asks her, “If your baby puked and pooped, who should it clean it up?”
The mother in-law yells, “The mother of course!”
The wife says, “Then come clean up your drunk son!”
