YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGZINE
I was in a bar in England, having a beer. Two plump women walked in with an accent I hadn’t yet heard during my tenure. “Hi ladies, are ye from Scotland?” I asked. One of the women turned towards me and snarled “It’s Wales, dumb\*\*!” “Oh, I’m really sorry!” I said. “Are you whales from…
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats…
Teacher and her 3 boy students: Teacher: “Why did you laugh?” Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your br@.” Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.” Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?” Boy 2: “I saw your br@ straps.” Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of…
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says: Hot dog – $2/ Cheeseburger – $5 / Hand job – $10 .He asks the waitress, “Miss are you…
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge…
Wife and husband have bought c*nd*ms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.
John brought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. “My goodness”, said Peter, “and how long have you been married?” “22 years”, replied John.”You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that…
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
A student comes late to school. His teacher asked him “Why were you late to school?” Student: “My mom and dad were fighting.” Teacher: “What does your parents fighting have to do with you being late for school?” Student: “One of my shoes was in my mom’s hand and the other one was in dad’s…
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out…