YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGZINE
A Man Accidentally Elbows a Woman’s Chest as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says “if your heart is as soft as your chest, I know you’ll forgive me.” To which the woman replied “if your tool is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 318.”
A big guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, “How the hell do the two of you have s=x?” The big guy says, “I just sit there, undressed, on a chair, she sits on top, and then we both hum ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’.”
An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, “7 points!”His wife looked at him and said, “What the hell are you doing?”He simply replied, “Just playing bed football.”Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, “Tie game – 7,7.”The husband’s competitive…
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, “Well, that means…” “It’s pasture bedtime!”
I fear I’ve wasted my life. I spent years and years learning Latin, Spanish, Mandarin, and Swahili but it turns out I just misheard my uncle when I though he told me “girls love a cunning linguist”.
The doctor says “What? Why would I do something like that?” The woman says again, “Kiss me now!” The doctor replies, “Certainly not!” The woman demands a third time, “Doctor, I want you to kiss me!” The doctor answers, “No! It’s unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn’t even be having s-x…
How did you die?” Jane asks Erica. She replies, “I froze to death.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says Jane. “It wasn’t too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?” “Well,” she says, “I suspected my husband was cheating so one day…
A lovey dovey couple are sitting on a bench in the park and she says: “My ear hurts me…” He kisses it gently and asks, “Is it better now, my darling?” “It’s all gone,” giggles the girl, “but now I have a pain here,” and she points to her neck. The boy kisses it tenderly…
One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence. So Janet raised her hand and said, “the sky is absolutely blue” The teacher said no, “it is not, sometimes is black or has different colors.” Another little boy raised his hand and said, “the leaves on the trees are absolutely…
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his…