I told my wife, “I won the Leslie Nielsen prize at the office today.” Her: What’s that? Me: It’s a place where people go to work, but that’s not important right now.

A businessman was interviewing job applicants for the position of manager of a large division.He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate.He simply asked each applicant this question, “What is two plus two?”The first interviewee was a journalist.His answer was, “Twenty-two”.The second was a social worker.She said, “I don’t know the answer…

One night a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. “Hello, I want a single room for the night please.” “Fine, sir, here’s one of our best rooms. Room 13,” says the concierge and hands him the keyThe guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 0’clock…

Hotel clerk has the honeymoon suite set up to record videos, but the groom is always out fishing. Frustrated, clerk asks groom why fishing and not consummating? Groom, can’t she’s got gonorrhoea. Clerk, BJ? Groom, can’t she’s got Pyria. Clerk, Anal? Groom, can’t she’s got Diarrhea. Clerk, Why did you marry a sick woman like…

In ancient Sumeria there was an uprising against the king. The king defeated the rebels but wanted to capture all their leaders, so sent his greatest general to hunt them down. The remaining rebels had taken refuge in an abandoned step pyramid. Because it was so chilly at night, they lit a fire for warmth….

“You’re late. Where were you?” asked his father. “I was with my friend Jessica.” he replied. “Doing what?” his dad asked again. “We were just studying, Dad.” replied the boy. The father glared at him skeptically. Wanting to change the subject, the boy picked up a snack off the kitchen table and took a bite….

A diner who had finished brunch at a Cantonese restaurant called the waiter over to question the bill. “I can read the costs of all the individual items we ordered, but the total amount I owe is so faint I can’t read it,” the diner complained. “But sir,” the waiter responded, “you specifically requested the…

A man is planning to move to a big city so he decides to explore it a bit. He finds a pub and decides to go in. He goes up to the bartender. Customer – How much for a beer? Bartender – 3 cents Customer – And how much for a sandwich? Bartender- about 5…

Husband store A store that sells new husbands has opened in town, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the…

Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dangerous than beer. I discovered this last night. I drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while my wife was just at home drinking tea. You should have seen how mad and violent she was when I got home. She threw the chair…