The boss says “You seem like a nice guy. If you marry my daughter, I’ll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Ferrari, and a million dollar annual salary.” The employee asks what’s wrong with her. The boss shows him a picture, and she’s hideous. The boss says, “It’s only fair to…

A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position…..He asked the same question to each one of them. Boss: “A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What’s the difference between the two? First Girl: “one is hairy, the other isn’t ” …..Boss: “OK.. good!” Second Girl: “one can talk but the…

They’re teeing off on the 7th hole. The husband slices his drive into the rough, with his line to the green blocked by a maintenance shed. He says to his wife, “I guess I’ll take a drop.” The wife replies, “wait, if we open the shed doors on both sides, you can hit straight through.”…

My grandmother has gotten to the stage where all she does is go on about who’s just died.“Do you remember Muriel? She’s just died.” “Do you remember Arthur? He’s just died.” I said, “Gran. Get off the roof and give me the gun!”

The Skull detective has narrowed it down to 3 suspects: Pelvis, Femur, and Spine. Skull sits down and interrogates each of them separately. “Pelvis is guilty. I saw them with the victim just 2 hours before they died.” Says Femur. “Pelvis was acting suspicious the day after the victim died, and I think I saw…

I met a pimp who always worked with exactly 1 brunette for every 2 blondes His name was Horatio

A Highway Patrol Officer pulled over a little old lady for going 10mph on the highway.As he walked up to the old lady’s car he noticed there were 3 other elderly folks looking very frightened and rigid.He leaned down to the old lady’s window and noticed she was as calm as could be.“Do you know…

So, Quasimodo has been ringing the bell at Notre Dame for years, and wants a vacation. He asks the Sexton for a week off. The Sexton says yes, but asks Quasimodo to select and train a temp to do the job while Quasimodo is on vacation. He selects his twin brother, who has no arms….

Why are asian parents much harder on girls than boys? Because girls always get an F in gender

A girl asked me what it’s like having a p*nis… …I told her: “It’s hard sometimes”