A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: “Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom.” One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door. He says: “I…

A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!” The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something. He…

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent….

A blonde walks into a store and says,sir id like to buy this t.v. he says,sorry we don’t sell to blondes.so she goes home and changes her hair color to brown.she goes back the next day and says,sir id like to buy this t.tv he said sorry we don’t sell to blondes.how did he know…

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby was born, they rush to the hospital.A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming but over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely….

This little old lady decides one day that she wants to join a biker club, so she goes down to her local club and knocks on the door. The door is opened by a big hairy biker with a beard, who’s covered in tattoos. “I’d liked to join your club,” says the little old lady….

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess… “Will you marry me?” The Princess said “NO!” And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fu*k*d women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank,…

The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?” The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy went down…

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child’s whispered, “Hello.” “Is your Daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” The child whispered, “No.” Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is…

Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish serving another customer. When Carl was finished, Mary…