Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess… “Will you marry me?” The Princess said “NO!” And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fu*k*d women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank,…

The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?” The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy went down…

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child’s whispered, “Hello.” “Is your Daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” The child whispered, “No.” Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is…

Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish serving another customer. When Carl was finished, Mary…

The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club. On the first Tee, she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. The doctor said, “Wow, I have never seen you play this well before!” Marie says, “I took lessons.” A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed…

John woke up one morning immensely @roused so he turned over to his wife’s side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though and was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John texted: The Tent Pole Is Up The Canvas Is Spread The Hell…

A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, “What 20 Million American Women Want.” He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages. His wife was a little annoyed. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”…

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a V@gin@?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man…

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. “No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.” “That must…

A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?” She replied: “a can of peaches.” The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She…