A man finds a genie lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and says “I may grant you 3 wishes, but your wife gets double.” The man wishes for a new car. The genie gives him a new car and the man’s wife 2 new cars. The man then wishes for a…

So this blonde goes to the Doctor for a checkup so doc starts asking her: Age? She starts counting using her fingers, says 22 ! Height? She sees a measuring type of about 5 meters, takes it barely gets to measuring and says 1.75 Then the Doc says, ok could I have your FIRSt name…

One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.” The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?” The mother…

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s…

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. “Of course, my son,” said the priest. “Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my…

I bumped into an old school friend at the store today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports cars. Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I replied, “If you think she’s gorgeous, you should see…

One night a girl said to her family “Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said “Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said…

A woman carried BABY to an obstetrician and gynecologist and asked the woman: Does BABY take breast milk or milk? Woman: Breast milk! Doctor: Then please take off your clothes. Woman: Ah! ? why? Doctor: Please don’t worry, this is the obstetrics and gynecology department, and it will never infringe on YOU The woman took…

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for…

Little Johnny and his pal Billy were walking in the park when they passed three ladies eating bananas on a bench. “Howdy ladies,” Little Johnny said as he passed three women. “Do you know them?” Billy asked. “No,” Little Johnny replied, “I’ve never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed.” “How…