Amy phones her husband at work Sam do you have time for a chat? Sorry darling this is not a good time – I m about to go into a board meeting But this won t take long Amy says I just want to tell you some good news and some bad news I really…

A 60 years old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn’t blow away…. A gentleman approached the lady and said ….. “Ma’am, …. I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress…

The 98 year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a…

A beautiful German woman married a American gentleman born in Virginia and they lived happily ever after in his home town. The poor lady didn’t speak English but was determined to learn. So she enrolled in a language class and spent hours practicing every day. One day, her husband decided to surprise her and take…

Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her, “The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a big nail into the two-by-four over the cow’s stall. You show him where it is.” The farmer leaves,…

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked by a passerby. He said: “Right before I went under, I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right’.” “She was just trying to…

Haggard and tired Fred returns home from a long day of golf with his golf buddies. Fred’s wife greets him at the door and seeing his condition exclaims, “Honey, you look awful, how was your game?” Heaving a sigh, Fred replies, “Worst game of golf I’ve ever played.” His wife asked what happened. He went…

One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what’s your name?” “I’m Phil and I’m OK thanks,” I replied. “Phil, forget your troubles Come to my villa, rest a while…

A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a wh*re.” The accountant balks…

A guy walks into a bar with two black eyes after a church service. His friend ask “Dale, what the hell happened to your face?” “When the lady sitting in front of me stood up to sing the hymns, I noticed her dress was clutched between her butt cheeks, so, being poIite I pulled it…