A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked….

After 20 years of marriage a husband and wife go to counseling. When asked what the problem is, the wife breaks into a passionate tirade of every problem they’ve ever had. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist gets up, walks over to the wife, makes her…

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her “private area” and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, “Crazy as this sounds, maybe a…

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed. He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. On the 2nd day…

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them. Boy oh boy did we go ’round. Just…

Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting in the balcony with wife. He says “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.” Wife asks “Is that you, or the whisky talking?” Husband “It’s me… talking to whisky.”

A little boy caught his mom and dad having s*x. After, he asked, “What were you and daddy doing?” The mom said, “We were baking a cake.” A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, “Were you and daddy baking a cake?” She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered,…

A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer. At one point, he needed to choose and enter a new password. Something he will use to log on, every time. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s…

Tillie and Millie, two old girl friends, met for lunch. “I married a wealthy clothing manufacturer,” announced Tillie, “and he bought me a yacht for my birthday.” “Astounding!” said Millie. “I have charge accounts in all the department stores,” said Tillie. “‘Astounding!” said Millie. “I have a drawer full of rubies and emeralds and my…

A widowed Jewish lady, still in very good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach near Tel Aviv. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up…