A couple drives to the hospital because the wife is in labor. The doctor alerts them that she invented a machine that will transfer some of the labor pain to the father, if they’d like. The husband eagerly says, “Give it all to me!” The couple returns home with a bouncing baby boy, only to…

6 year old kid looking at Mom’s ID card. S*x: F He laughs Mom: Whats so funny? Kid: I can’t believe you’re so bad in s*x that you failed in it. Husband died laughing

This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits. She sits down, raises her arm, and says, “Bartender, I would like a drink.” There’s an old drunk sitting next to her. Slurring, he says, “Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink.” She accepts, drinks…

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. Last week I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the…

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She runs upstairs and finds her naked husband sweating and panting on the bed. “What’s up?” she asks. “I’m having a heart attack!” cries her husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone and starts dialing for an ambulance….

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have…

Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free s*x when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the male attendant. “I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” he said. “If you guess right, you win free s*x.” “Okay,” agreed…

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.” On the way to his office he regretted and decided it wasn’t worth the price. So,…

A woman walks into the Ipswich Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids… “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours? “Yeah they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats. “Well,” says the social worker,…

A man walks into a barber shop and says, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes. The man says, “You and I should spend some…