A doctor and an engineer went into a chocolate store. As they were busy looking around, the doctor stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, the doctor said to the engineer, “Man! I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can’t beat that!” The engineer replied,…

Husband and wife are lying in bed in the middle of the night. Husband: I won’t be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: I can’t sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Wife: Because I’m hot. Husband: You get hot at the darnest times! Wife: If you love me I wouldn’t…

The real estate boss got a hot new secretary. Afraid of sexual harrassment issues he held himself off for a week, but finally overcome with lust, he decided to put some moves on her. However, after a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is working, not caring, coming to work late,…

The mother of a problem child visits the psychiatrist. After an hour’s session she was advised by the psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly. Come and see me again in two weeks.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you…

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see…

A Texas rancher gets in his pickup and drives to a neighboring ranch and knocks at the door. A young boy, about 9, opens the door. “Is yer Dad home?” the rancher asks. “No sir, he ain’t,” the boy replies. “He went into town.” “Well,” says the rancher, “is yer Mom here?” “No, sir, she…

Little Johnny is in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon. The teacher decides to have a game for the kids to get them thinking. “Okay, class. Now I’m going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off,” says the…

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night. Speaking firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!” The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to…

Aldric was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender. Worse, she  hadn’t gotten the license number. “What kind of car was he driving?” he asked her. “I don’t know,” said Samantha. “I never can tell one car from another!” At that, Aldric decided the time had…

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,”…