Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse…

When Thompson hit seventy he decided to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer. He went on a strict diet, he jogged, he swam, and he took sunbaths. In just three months, Thompson lost thirty pounds, reduced his waist by six inches, and expanded his chest by five inches. Svelte and tan,…

After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn’t bring her out of it. When her husband, Ralph, came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. “We just can’t wake her. It doesn’t look good, I’m…

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass…

Little Willie came home in a sad state. He had a black eye and numerous scratches and contusions, and his clothes were a sight. His mother was horrified at the spectacle presented by her darling. There were tears in her eyes as she addressed him rebukingly: “Oh, Willie, Willie! How often have I told you…

It happened many years ago in Naples, Italy. It was a bit of an embarrassing day when a young Rosalia, with baby Lorenzo in her arms, stood in front of a market stand and confronted the owner with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it?…

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife cant hear him. How bad is it? the doctor asks. I have no idea, the husband says. Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something. If she doesn’t hear you, get closer and say the same thing. Keep moving…

An elderly woman is at home when the phone rings. She picks it up and answers, “Hello.” “May I speak to Mrs Sanders, please?” “Speaking.” “Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr Sanders arrived as…

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a crowd standing around a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said roughly, “Let’s get…

Paddy and Angus meet at their favourite bar. Over their pints, Angus leaned in and said, “Does ye know what I did last night, eh?” Paddy had no idea, and Angus said, “I’m a very rich man. I robbed a shop full of expensive pictures!” Paddy was impressed. He said to Angus, ”Wow, that’s astonishing!…