A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.’” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?” “She…

A young lady is working at an old people’s home when she walks into an old gentleman’s room. He’s holding a set of photographs and looks upset. “What’s the matter?” She asks “I’ve got no-one to pass these onto to when I go”. Says the old man, looking at his photos “Let me show you”…

A handsome man in a suit approaches a young lady at a bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?” she asked. “Guys like you always have girlfriends.” He looked downcast, “No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago.” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” she…

At a jewellery store, an old man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved upon it?” asked the jeweller. The Old man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if…

“Hey June, how about a bit of slap and tickle tonight?” “Sshh John, don’t talk like that in front of the children. Let’s use code. Whenever you feel like it, just say, “How about turning the washing machine on.” A few evenings later, June turned to her husband and said, “Shall I put the washing…

Mummy, mummy, what are you doing?” exclaimed the little boy as he walked into the bedroom to find her sitting on daddy. “Just flattening daddy’s tummy,” mum replied. “I wouldn’t bother, when you go out tonight the au pair will only blow it up again.

“Mummy, mummy, what’s a p*ssy?” asked the small boy. His mother went to the encyclopaedia and showed him a picture of a cat. “That’s a p*ssy,” she said. “Mummy, mummy, what’s a b*tch?” continued the little boy. Again, mother consulted the encyclopaedia and showed her son a picture of a dog. But the boy wasn’t…

Daddy is mowing the lawn when his young son comes running out of the house calling to him. “Daddy, daddy, what’s s*x?” asks the boy. For a moment dad is dumbstruck but then decides that if his son has asked the question, then he must do his best to answer it. For the next few…