“Hey June, how about a bit of slap and tickle tonight?” “Sshh John, don’t talk like that in front of the children. Let’s use code. Whenever you feel like it, just say, “How about turning the washing machine on.” A few evenings later, June turned to her husband and said, “Shall I put the washing…

Mummy, mummy, what are you doing?” exclaimed the little boy as he walked into the bedroom to find her sitting on daddy. “Just flattening daddy’s tummy,” mum replied. “I wouldn’t bother, when you go out tonight the au pair will only blow it up again.

“Mummy, mummy, what’s a p*ssy?” asked the small boy. His mother went to the encyclopaedia and showed him a picture of a cat. “That’s a p*ssy,” she said. “Mummy, mummy, what’s a b*tch?” continued the little boy. Again, mother consulted the encyclopaedia and showed her son a picture of a dog. But the boy wasn’t…

Daddy is mowing the lawn when his young son comes running out of the house calling to him. “Daddy, daddy, what’s s*x?” asks the boy. For a moment dad is dumbstruck but then decides that if his son has asked the question, then he must do his best to answer it. For the next few…

“Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,” said the anxious man. “Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just been born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been going on?” “Not necessarily,” replied the doctor. “How many times do you have s*x?” “About 5 times a year.” “Well, there’s your…

Johnnie asked for time off because his wife was going to have a baby. The following day, his boss asked him what it was – a boy or a girl. “Too early to say,” said Johnny.” “it’ll be another 9 months before we know the answer to that.”

The 50-year-old woman phoned up her 60-year-old husband. “Darling, it’s a miracle, the doctor says I’m pregnant, isn’t that wonderful? You’re going to be a father.” “That’s great” replied the husband. “By the way, who is this?”

The wife’s mother rushed into the maternity wing to find out how her daughter was progressing. As she entered the waiting room, she spotted her son-in-law. Unbeknown to her, he was listening to the cricket on his IPod. “How’s it going?” she asked anxiously. “Not bad,” he smiled, “they’ve got four out and there’s only…