A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, “So, tell me, how was it?” “Oh, it was beautiful,” says the man. “The…

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said, “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” “$50” she replies The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man’s…

A farmer goes to the bank to ask for a loan. When the loan officer denies him credit the farmer’s dog bites the officer. Then she turns around and bites one of the customers. The loan officer asks the farmer: I understand why your dog bit me. But why did she bite the customer. I…

One day there was a woman who lost her cat named “LOVE.” It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, They…

A boss says to his secretary we are travelling abroad for the week so make arrangements. The secretary makes call to her husband, “My boss and i will be travelling abroad for some reasons”. The secretary husband makes call to her secret lover my wife is travelling for the weekend so come to my house…

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the…

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, “Do you know him?” “Yes”, she sighed. “He’s my old boyfriend.” I understand he took to drinking right after…

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor…

A confused father goes to buy a Barbie Doll for his daughters birthday. The salesperson answers, ‘Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95. Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95. Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95′. The…

An elderly woman wants half a head of lettuce at a grocery store, so she tells the young man at the checkout, “I would like to buy half a head of lettuce.” The young man says, “I’m sorry we only sell whole heads of lettuce.” The old woman says, “Well you see I’m old, and…