Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the other and asks, “Do you still get horny?” The other replies, “Oh sure I do.” The first old lady asks, “What do you do about It?” The second old lady replies, “I s**k a lifesaver.” After a few…

A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, “Did anyone tell you what to say in court?” “Yes, sir,” answered the boy. “I thought so,” said the attorney. “Who was it?” “My father, sir.” “And what did he tell…

Tax day, April 15, was looming when an elderly woman showed up at the IRS. She said she required a thick stack of tax forms. “Why so many?” the clerk asked. “My son is stationed overseas,” she said. “He asked me to pick up forms for the Marines on the base.” “You shouldn’t have to…

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery, and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. “Yes Dad, what is it?” “Don’t be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t…

The population of this country is 327 million. 76 million are retired. That leaves 251 million to do the work. There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled. Which leaves 203 million to do the work. There are 74 million children younger than 6. Which leaves 129 million to do the work. There are…

Stacy, John, and I have been friends ever since we were children. From that point, we were practically inseparable. Every day after school we would hang out for hours walking around the block, playing tag, and hide and seek. One day, it was my turn to be the seeker. I had a tough time trying…

My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, …wearing only The t-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought,…

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a lady who must have been in her 60s.  In fact, she wasn’t bad at all! I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers and then she asked me if I’d…

An American couple was being shown around Moscow one day when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said. Well, as these things go, they were about…

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green…