GOSSIP

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a lady who must have been in her 60s.  In fact, she wasn’t bad at all! I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers and then she asked me if I’d…

An American couple was being shown around Moscow one day when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said. Well, as these things go, they were about…

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green…

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling.  We come in peace.  Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at…

A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door. Son: “Mommy, may I ask you a question?” Mom: “Yeah sure, what it is?” replied the woman. Son: “Mommy, how much do you make an hour?” Mom: “That’s none of your business. Why…

Three couples die at the same time and que up in the line for the pearly gates. The first couple approaches St. Peter, where he asks for the man’s name. “John Smith,” the man replies. “John Smith,” St. Peter repeats, flipping through his book. “John Smith, who was so in love with money that he…

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “No, she can order for herself.” And that’s when the fight started…..

Jesus is walking around heaven when he comes across an old, wizened man crying. Jesus approaches him and says, “What is there to cry about in Heaven, friend?” The old man looks at him and says, “You don’t understand. I was a carpenter in a small town. I had a son once, but I lost…

There were three Women stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated that it was about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She…

They all arrive at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says “Let me ask you a question before admitting you to heaven.” To the first he says “My son, while on Earth did you lead a good life?” “Oh yes, ” says the first man,” I had thirty years of marriage to a wonderful woman…