A science teacher tells his class
A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.” A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.”
Category: Funny Jokes
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One day little Johnny walked out of his bedroom with his suitcase packed.
One day little Johnny walked out of his bedroom with his suitcase packed. His dad asked him where he was going and Johnny replied, “Last night I heard you say that you were pulling out and mommy said she was coming too. I didn’t want to be left behind!”
Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.” The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. The insurance company doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the…
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over….
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused.
A man comes in and asks him “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” Farmer: “Some things you just can’t explain.” Man: “So what happened that’s so horrible?” Farmer: “Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her…
A Pious Old Man
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at…
A husband visited a marriage counsellor
A husband visited a marriage counsellor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around…
A woman, cranky because her husband was late
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Long Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the…
A girl is about to tie the knot
A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen. “Mom?” she asks. “How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?” The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the…
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I want a 12-year-old scotch, and don’t try to fool me because I can tell the difference.” The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with a 5-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip, scowIs, and says, “Hey bartender! This…