Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out… “Pa, you need to go out and fix the outhouse!” Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin’ wrong with the outhouse.” Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.” So, Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,…

Story of a man who could not give a convincing explanation about his broken arm. He kept muttering something about trying to stick his arm through his car window that he thought was down. That was the public version, in private, he confessed that it happened when his wife brought some potted plants indoors after…

Three men are trying to cross a river. The first one prays and says, “Please give me the strength to cross this river.” Poof! He grows huge arms and legs and swims across the river. The second man prays and says, “Please give me the strength and ability to cross this river.” Poof! A rowboat…

A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs. “Well, I’ll tell you” the farmer replied. “One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life.” “Oh, that’s how he…

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball. “Don’t you have at least one other golf ball?”, he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. “Are you sure?”, the friend persisted. “What happens…

A fox who lived in the deep forest of long ago had lost its front legs. No one knew how: perhaps escaping from a trap. A man who lived on the edge of the forest , seeing the fox from time to time, wondered how in the world it managed to get its food. One…

Homer came home from work one day to find his wife Lisa sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied, “I’m going to Las Vegas.” He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him, “I just found out that I…

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There, in the outbacks, he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the…

At an airline ticket counter, all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man at the end of the passenger line was impatient and frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow-moving line. He finally decided to march up to the…

A married couple is sleeping soundly. Suddenly the phone rings at 2 o’clock in the morning. The wife picks up the phone, listens for a moment and says, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hangs up. The husband, meanwhile awake, says, “Who was that?” The wife answers, “I don’t know; some woman…