A man had a terrible car crash. He was brought by ambulance with sirens blazing to the hospital. Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital’s ICU, unable to move, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he’d obviously been in a…

Two roosters fought for supremacy in the farmyard. Finally one was vanquished and he went and hid himself in a corner of the hen-house. The victor flew up to the roof of the barn and begin to crow, “I’ve won, I’ve won!” An eagle swooped down and carried him away and the rooster that had…

Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. “You understand it now?” Mum asks. “Yes,” replies little Annie. “Do you still have any questions?” “Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?” “In exactly the same way as with babies.” “Wow!” little…

An elderly white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said,…

Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse? Doctor: No. Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure? Doctor: No. Lawyer: Did you check for breathing? Doctor: No. Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Doctor: No. Lawyer: How can you be so…

Old man Elmer is walking down the street in Brooklyn. He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible. Elmer walks up to the boy and says, “You know son, it’s really not healthy to eat all that candy.” The…

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door and told when to jump” “My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go” “But how do you know when…

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day her son came…

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,”…

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But…